The starting point for this reflection is the documentary Portrait of a Confused Father , made by Gunnar Hall Jensen — a disturbing confession about the relationship between a father and his son, about the fragility of life, and about how today’s boys end up looking for role models in a world that speaks to them too loudly and too superficially about what it means to be a man.
The film follows Jonathan, a charismatic but vulnerable young man growing up under the watchful eye of his director father. Over twenty years of filming, their relationship becomes a mirror of an entire generation—a generation raised between the absence of authentic father figures and the explosion of toxic role models online. In a tragic ending, the son’s search for meaning fades before it can find its balance.
From the therapist’s perspective: boys raised between shame and confusion
As a psychotherapist, I have met many young men who carry a hidden pain — the pain of not knowing exactly what is expected of them . Behind the masks of strength, sarcasm, or independence, lie the shame of being vulnerable, the fear of failure, and the deep need to be seen and validated.
Many of them come from families where the father was either distant, rigid, or completely emotionally absent. And in a world that constantly offers them “mentors” like influencers who promote power, control, or dominance, the confusion deepens.
What’s missing is not just a healthy definition of masculinity, but the safe space where boys can make mistakes, cry, and be authentic without being ashamed of it .
Often, therapy with men becomes the place where something that didn’t exist is rebuilt: a trusting relationship with an adult figure who doesn’t judge, but understands.
From a mother’s perspective: how to raise my son without teaching him fear of himself
As a mother, I often wonder how I can protect my son without making him dependent on my protection. How can I give him security without robbing him of the courage to explore the world?
Protecting boys isn’t just about keeping them safe from danger. It’s about teaching them to protect themselves — through discernment, empathy, and the ability to recognize what’s authentic and what’s fake.
In a world where it’s so easy to confuse attention with validation and popularity with self-worth, boys need parents who remain present, even when they can’t compete with the screen. They need fathers who know how to say “I don’t know, but I want to learn,” and mothers who see them not just as future men, but as human beings in the making.
Real protection means relationship , not control. It means having the courage to listen to them even when they say things that are hard to hear.
On male models and the need for meaning
Portrait of a Confused Father is not just about a father and son, but about an entire generation of men who haven’t been given enough emotional language. About how easy it is for boys to confuse “being a man” with “being strong” and “being free” with “being alone.”
As therapists and as parents, we have a duty to offer them something else: models of cooperative masculinity , emotional courage, assumed vulnerability.
Boys don’t get lost because they are weak. They get lost because they can’t find landmarks in which to truly find themselves.
A personal conclusion
Watching Jensen’s film, I felt both sadness and gratitude. Sadness for all the boys who grow up in a world that promises them power but takes away their peace. Gratitude that we can still talk about these things, understand them, repair them, and transform them.
Protecting our boys doesn’t mean keeping them away from the world, it means being there for them when it gets too loud.
Being present, even when we don’t know the answers.
Being brave, even when we’re afraid.
And most of all, remembering that sometimes the greatest form of protection is simply listening.