Thursday, March 5, 2015, Gaspar Gyorgy will be on the list of those who will share their experience of mindfulness at the conference organized by Editura Herald.
Tell me about yourself: who you are, what you do, where you live, and what projects you are currently involved in?
I am a person with a great inclination towards interpersonal relationships. I am quite withdrawn and calm by nature, but extremely curious and involved if I find something that motivates me. For about nine years, I have had the honor and chance to work with people, especially with “that something” that forms between them – with those more or less visible connections, that mean “everything” for most of us, that is, I am a relationships healer.
I live in Bucharest, I often go to Satu Mare, Cluj-Napoca, and Budapest, cities where a large part of the people that I love and that represent my family live. Most of my projects are focused on my professional value, which, like a compass, guides my direction – reducing human suffering and cultivating healthy relationships between people. Thus, I am involved in relational therapy activities (connecting to Self and to the other), in psychoeducation campaigns, training programs, and preparing future therapists, and I like to create connections between Romania and other countries in the world that have something to say in the field of “interpersonal health”.
If you had only a few words to describe mindfulness, what would you say?
It is the essence of cultivating loving relationships.
I am fascinated when I hear how other people dedicate themselves to the practice of meditation and mindfulness. How did you start out?
In 2011, I had the chance to meet the renowned Jon Kabat-Zinn at a cognitive-behavioral therapy congress in Istanbul; I admit that until then I didn’t know much about mindfulness, and critical judgment stopped me from exercising my curiosity in that direction. For the cognitive scientist in me, the subject seemed far too “light”, I didn’t understand its clinical implications. But at those meetings, I heard, very often, about how important “awareness of the present moment” is – that’s what Kabat-Zinn, Leahy, Dattilio, Borkovec, Hayes, Gilbert -prominent names for anyone familiar with modern literature in the third wave of cognitive and behavioral therapies- said. Having these role models, in whom I had great confidence, my curiosity was given permission to investigate the subject. I remember that many of the books I bought then focused on acceptance, commitment, compassion, and connecting to the “here and now”. After a few discussions with Domnica Petrovai, who was also present at the congress, my courage grew even more; I felt how my attraction to the Buddhist tradition gradually surfaced. Everything that followed had a natural and organic course, a greater attention to everything I did, a perpetual frustration because my mind wouldn’t give me peace when I wanted to meditate, repeated interruptions from meditation and bursts of anger, until I accepted all these states and I came to meet a part of me that was foreign to me and that reflected something I knew existed but needed some certainty about – the scientist in me needed such confirmation to allow myself to be carried away by the state of conscious presence further and further.
Why did meditation/mindfulness become important for you? How did this experience change your life?
Mindfulness has always been there, somewhere in my inner universe, only my mind didn’t possess this information, now I can understand why. It has improved my life both professionally and personally; as a person, I discovered how vulnerable I was and how much I “whipped” myself because I wasn’t perfect, and as a therapist, I learned to remain present with the other person: to be curious, open, and receptive – to understand them better.
Roxana, I’m sure you also know that moment when you’re after several therapy sessions and your mind starts to wonder “what are they doing at home?”, “what will the theater play at 7 be like?” and you let yourself get carried away by your personal life, which the client feels and notices immediately. Before cultivating mindfulness, it was hard for me to reconnect with the client because immediately after I noticed my mind wandering, the accompanying criticism followed “is the person paying you for you to be with your thoughts elsewhere?!”, “what kind of therapist are you” – imagine how the conflict grew in me and the client’s therapy was already compromised. Then came the acceptance of my thoughts and limitations, and the intention to return again and again to the present, without criticism, without aggressiveness, without sabotage – I still have moments when my mind wanders away from therapy, but like a gentle shepherd, I bring back the “lost sheep” (attention) to what really matters “the present moment”.
Has this practice increased your ability to feel compassion? How did this happen? What did you notice?
Practicing the state of conscious presence increases your ability to feel all emotions more intensely, both those with positive valence and those we are tempted to run away from. Fortunately, all emotions communicate something to us, and it is important how we decode the message; we often think that the emotion of fear, for example (the most familiar emotion to me), accurately reflects an external danger, but mindfulness has helped me understand that it’s about something internal. Understanding things in this way has allowed me to sometimes give up defensive behaviors, avoidance, and withdrawal.
Would it be correct to say that mindfulness means as much compassion for others as it means self-compassion?
I smile reading this question because compassion for others and self-compassion are great challenges for the 21st-century man – often we avoid compassion “eating dirt”, either because we are afraid we will lose control or because we are far too emotionally wounded.
I believe that the state of mindfulness is something extremely personal, something that is difficult to compare interpersonally, which is why the compassion part becomes a subjective process. It is important to relate to ourselves again and again, to observe the changes regarding compassion.
On the other hand, research in the field of Buddhist psychology shows us that what we practice becomes stronger, results confirmed by neuroscience as well. In other words, if we have the intention to cultivate the state of conscious presence, our brain will develop more in this direction; if we stick to old patterns and repeat them, they will guide our existence.
One of the things mindfulness teaches us is the difference between pain and suffering. What is your point of view on this?
What I have noticed is that life has its own rhythm, in which different experiences and situations emotionally activate us more or less, it’s like when I’m in the Black Sea and its waves come and go. If I oppose the wave, for example, pain, my situation will become extremely complicated, the pain turning into suffering. But if I learn to accept the wave by trying to cope with it, as if it were a challenge, then the pain decreases, and with the next wave, I already know that it’s not necessary to be overwhelmed. I read in a book about the formula of human suffering: pain X resistance = suffering / pain X acceptance = healing
Give me an example of a practice we can use for mindfulness in everyday life.
For five minutes, let’s look at a loved one, child, or partner as if we were seeing them for the first time, let’s observe their gestures, feelings, intentions, and let’s cultivate respect for what makes them different from us. Then let’s maintain this state of respect for a few seconds, as if when you take a sip of nectar and you want to savor it as much as possible before swallowing it, and finally let’s express gratitude for the present moment, without thinking about its fleeting quality.
Thank you for your openness and for sharing with us, Gaspar.
Gyorgy Gaspar, a graduate in psychology from “Babes-Bolyai” University in Cluj-Napoca, holds extensive training in Ericksonian Hypnotherapy, Family Therapy, and Integrative Psychotherapy. He has completed various specialized courses in cognitive-behavioral interventions. He is a member of the College of Psychologists of Romania and the Association of Psychologists of Romania. He is the President and founding member of the Multicultural Association of Psychology and Psychotherapy. He collaborates as an expert in several national projects implemented by NGOs such as Save the Children Organization, Romanian Institute of Integrative Psychotherapy, Romanian Red Cross, Romanian League for Mental Health, and Youth for Youth. He is an expert in various programs promoting the well-being of children, adolescents, and families, as well as a coordinator of psychotherapy and personal development groups for parents and teenagers. He conducts complementary and continuous professional training courses within AMPP, UNATC, and is an invited trainer for various complementary training programs in Romania and Hungary.