We are all made up of multiple sides of ourselves: we have different parts of ourselves, each with their own thoughts, emotions, and ways of reacting. Sometimes, for people who identify as autistic, with ADHD, or a combination of AuDHD, these parts can be very visible and can seem to be in constant conflict or taking over. However, even if you don’t find yourself in the AuDHD realm, you likely know what it’s like to feel multiple “voices” or “energies” coexisting within you, each with different perspectives and needs.

1. Recognize and honor each party

Every part of you – whether it’s the autistic part, the ADHD part, a more anxious part, or a more relaxed part – has a message and an emotional need. The concepts of Schema Therapy show us that, often, these parts reflect unmet needs from childhood and can manifest as Child Modes (the part that craves security, acceptance) or Coping Modes (the rebellious, avoidant part). Denying or suppressing them usually intensifies tensions.

Practical example: Keep a journal in which you identify what the “Autistic side” feels (need for routine, quiet) and what the “ADHD side” feels (exploration, creativity) throughout the day.

2. How to manage the “rebellious teenager” and the “responsible adult”

Many AuDHD people describe a part of themselves as a “rebellious teenager” (impulsive, creative, restless) and another part as a “responsible adult” (desiring order, committed to values ​​and rules). In ST, we could think of them as coping modes (teenager) and Child Mode or Healthy Adult (the one that wants structure).

Example: If the ADHD side is the teenager who “wants it all now,” you could give them planned spontaneity breaks so they don’t overwhelm your entire day.
Tip: Avoid directly criticizing the ADHD side—rather, understand that they bring a new dimension of novelty and imagination.

3. About the Demanding Inner Critic (Demanding Ableist Critic)

In the ST intervention adapted for neurodivergent individuals, one of the critical parenting modes is called Critical Ableist Demanding.

The term “ableist” derives from “ableism,” which refers to discrimination and prejudice against people with disabilities (whether physical, mental, or neurodiverse). Ableism implicitly favors a pattern considered “normal” and belittles or marginalizes people who deviate from this pattern.

Examples of ableism:

• Unrealistic expectations: believing that people with disabilities (including neurodivergences) must “overcome” disability to be valuable.
• Paternalistic attitudes: treating people with disabilities as helpless.
• Limited accessibility: unsuitable spaces, sites or transportation.
• Insensitive comments: compliments that imply that it’s “inspiring” to do ordinary things while being neurodivergent.

How this critic manifests: As an inner voice that imposes unrealistic standards, minimizing real needs (e.g., “you’re not good enough if you don’t do X like everyone else”). It can heighten guilt or shame when the person feels they don’t fit into “normal” expectations. To counter it, it helps to recognize that it’s an echo of internalized social prejudices—it’s not necessarily the truth about who we are and what we can do.

4. Use the power of the “Healthy Adult” (SA) and create a safe environment

In Schema Therapy, there is the concept of the Healthy Adult, that inner voice that can negotiate needs, set boundaries, and provide validation. Instead of letting the Able-minded, Demanding, Critical, or impulsive sides dominate, we bring in a state of the Healthy Adult that is both empathetic and protective.

Self-dialogue formula:
“I hear what the Ableist Demanding Critic says: that I’m not capable enough. But do I really believe that? Maybe it’s just an old, untrue message.”
“The Autistic side needs ritual, the ADHD side wants spontaneity, and the Critic wants me to be perfect. I, as the Healthy Adult, can decide how to set boundaries and provide space for both sides.”

5. There are no fixed recipes – be gentle with yourself

One day your plan may work flawlessly, and the next it may be chaos. Instead of viewing this as failure, see it as a learning process. The Ableist Demanding Critic tends to accuse, to judge; but you can choose to recognize and disarm it, accepting that sometimes you need a break, support, or a change of direction.

Reflection question: “Have I been too harsh on myself today, demanding that I always be as productive as others? What could I do differently tomorrow to support my Autistic and ADHD sides?”

6. Building trust between different parties

In Schema Therapy: an imagery exercise is often proposed, where you invite your parts (Autistic, ADHD, Able-bodied Critic, Vulnerable Child) to express their fears and desires. Then, from the position of Healthy Adult, you offer each one safety and recognition.
Suggestion: You can say: “Critic, I understand that you want me to be accepted by society and you are afraid of being left behind. But I, the Adult, can find strategies to succeed, without putting myself down.”

7. Integration and acceptance: some practical ideas

Part Journal: Record daily reactions and thoughts from your ADHD side, your Autistic side, and the observations of your Ableistic Demanding Critic. Notice when your Critic makes you feel inadequate or “defective” and how you can respond gently.
Planning with Space: Combine gentle rituals (for your Autistic side) with intervals of spontaneity (for your ADHD side).
Boundary Technique: Imagine a “playground” with fences that are clear enough to give you stability, but wide enough to explore without getting lost.
External Support: Seek out groups dedicated to neurodivergent people where you can share experiences. A therapist who understands autism, ADHD, and TS can be very helpful in managing your Ableistic Demanding Critic and creating personalized strategies.

8. Self-care and community

Groups and forums: whether online or local, can be a source of ideas, practical techniques, and emotional validation.
Seek specialized therapy: A professional who understands neurodivergences and TS can guide you through restructuring unhelpful beliefs and practicing Healthy Adulting.
Recognize your accomplishments: every small step counts. If today you managed to give yourself a five-minute space of calm and let the Critic pass, that’s real progress.

Conclusion:

Our Multiplicity is a Source of Power
When we listen to our inner parts—including the Ableist Demanding Critic—and understand their emotional needs, we open the way to deeper integration. Yes, there may be tension between the part that craves structure and the part that loves spontaneity. But through a Schema Therapy approach, we can build a Healthy Adult who validates both sides, provides those gentle boundaries, and recognizes that the voice of the inner critic is just an echo of prejudices that don’t truly define us.

As you continue to experiment and negotiate the space between these parts, remember that you are not alone and that there are strategies, resources, and most importantly, your own compassion, that can transform internal conflict into a collaborative dance. By looking at the multiplicity of self through the neuroaffirmative lens, you will discover immense potential for creativity, resilience, and deep connection with yourself and others.