Roxana Nicolau

Psiholog

The Talking Chair: When a Simple Object Becomes a Therapy Tool

From tables to chairs For years I worked with my thoughts. I analyzed them, restructured them, neatly organized them into columns, and when everything seemed clear, I put them under the microscope again—just to be safe. That’s how we, CBT-trained therapists, are: orderly, attentive, with a weakness for reason...

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How do we protect our boys in a world of influencers and toxic models of masculinity?

The starting point for this reflection is the documentary Portrait of a Confused Father , made by Gunnar Hall Jensen — a disturbing confession about the relationship between a father and his son, about the fragility of life, and about how today’s boys end up looking for role models...

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How the HiTOP model, proposed by Miri Forbes, changed the way I understand psychopathology

Why the HiTOP model deserves every clinician’s attention I admit: although in Romania we officially work with the ICD , I was, for the most part, raised professionally with the DSM on my desk . Ever since college, I felt that the information I was receiving about mental disorders...

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Relational metaphor. Back to the sandpit

Back to the sand pit Two children were playing together, with buckets and shovels, at the sandpit. Suddenly, a heated argument broke out between them, and one of the children ran away, screaming “I hate you, I hate you!” But almost immediately the two returned to the sandpit, playing...

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How Schema Therapy helps us rebuild relationships – the fine dance between attachment and autonomy

If we look closely, the most heated arguments in a relationship are not about dirty dishes, forgotten phones, or who made the first mistake. Behind them lie much deeper needs: the desire to be seen and accepted for who you are, the fear of being abandoned, the need to...

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Why is it hard for us not to be jealous of our ex-partners?

A reflection from the therapy room Have you ever looked at your partner and, without meaning to, thought about who they loved before you? Many people bring this question to my attention in therapy, sometimes in a low, almost ashamed voice: “Why do I keep thinking about his/her exes?...

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An Almost Perfect Family – About Shame, Trauma, and Healing

I left the cinema after the preview of Tudor Platon’s film An Almost Perfect Family with the feeling that I had witnessed an exercise in almost unbearable sincerity. While watching, I kept asking myself: how did the director convince his parents to accept not only being filmed, but especially...

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Femicide. The voices that are no longer heard – and the law that could have saved them

In the office I heard many stories. Some told with trembling voices, others in whispers, others with their gaze lost somewhere, far away. Stories about fear, control, humiliation, about freedoms lost step by step. And, sometimes, about lives ended too soon.

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How to shoot a Supervision Session: practical advice on Lighting and Sound

In the process of supervision in the world of Psychotherapy, audio-video recordings function as a kind of high-resolution “rearview mirror”: we can always return to the pure reality of the session, without the filters – sometimes kind, sometimes selective – of memory. Over time, I have had the opportunity...

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Multiplicity of the self: a neurodivergent perspective

We are all made up of multiple sides of ourselves: we have different parts of ourselves, each with their own thoughts, emotions, and ways of reacting. Sometimes, for people who identify as autistic, with ADHD, or a combination of AuDHD, these parts can be very visible and can seem...

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Motivational systems and their impact in ADHD

The model proposed by Jaak Panksepp (2011) describes the existence of seven primary motivational systems, deeply rooted in the subcortical structures of the brain. These systems, common to all mammals, underlie fundamental behaviors, emotional reactions, and the way we connect with others – contributing to both healthy development and...

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How to start the new year without pressure and with more clarity

It’s that time of year again: the promise of a fresh start is in the air, and we feel motivated to make a change. New Year’s resolutions appeal to us with the idea of ​​a “clean slate,” but if we’re honest with ourselves, many of us know how this...

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Irresistible: Why We Can’t Stop Eating

The BBC documentary Irresistible: Why We Can’t Stop Eating is a profound journey into the complex world of our relationship with food, exploring with empathy and clarity the reasons why resisting food temptations can be so difficult. It goes beyond a simple analysis of the modern food industry—it’s an...

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You are responsabile for what you tame

I went to the theater tonight – The Little Prince, with the wonderful Oana Pellea and the incredible Lari Giorgescu. My goodness, how I cried! The tears came like a flood, like a release after all the hard days, after this entire year filled with everything – joys, losses,...

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How Not to Live on Adrenaline Like a Superhero Without a Cape

If you have ADHD, you might notice that in moments of panic, stress, or when a deadline is looming, you suddenly become a productivity genius. Like a last-minute superhero, you dive into action and work magic. And who wouldn’t want to feel like that? But let’s be honest: what...

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Memoirs of a snail – A therapeutic story about healing (en translation)

Memoirs of a Snail by Adam Elliot is more than a stop-motion film – it’s a profound journey into understanding our own vulnerability and the healing power of human connection. It’s the kind of story that reaches the deepest corners of your soul, offering comfort and hope.

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Memoirs of a snail – A therapeutic story about healing

Memoirs of a Snail by Adam Elliot is more than a stop-motion film – it’s a profound journey into understanding our own vulnerability and the healing power of human connection. It’s the kind of story that reaches the deepest corners of your soul, offering comfort and hope.

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The Life of an Adult with ADHD: The Deep Message of the Bear Short Film

One of the hardest things about living with ADHD is that it seems almost impossible to explain. Many times people diagnose themselves with ADHD casually, saying they “have it too”, just because they get lost in the daily barrage of notifications and distractions. But ADHD is much more than...

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Punitive schema or excessive self-criticism

The punitive schema is like a harsh inner voice that makes you believe that punishment and excessive self-criticism is the solution to everything. It’s that voice that tells you things like “You deserve this” or “You’ll be fine.” It often appears after childhood, when we learn to feel guilty...

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Monotropism

Monotropism: A Key to Understanding Autism Monotropism is a theory of autism originally developed by researchers Dinah Murray and Wenn Lawson. This theory suggests that monotropic minds tend to focus their attention more intensely on a small number of interests at a time, leaving fewer resources available for other...

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ADHD in Adults: Why Psychological Assessment and Neurodiversity-Based Intervention are Important

Did you know that ADHD is not just a childhood condition? Many people live with its impact into adulthood. Recognizing 

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SUPERVISION GROUP: SCHEMA THERAPY FOR COUPLES

Supervision group: Applications of Schema Therapy in Couples Duration: 10 monthly modules, Fridays between 10:00 AM – 1:30 PM The group starts running with a minimum of 5 participants. Content: 3.5 hours Location: online (zoom) Cost: 450 Ron / module Facilitator: Roxana Nicolau is a clinical psychologist, cognitive-behavioral psychotherapist,...

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Self-Practice, Self-Reflection

Personal development group and clinical practice improvement for psychologists, psychotherapists, and counselors Duration: 10 monthly modules, on the first Tuesday of the month from 3:00 PM to 8:00 PM The group starts running with a minimum of 5 participants. Content: 10 hours per month: 5 hours online + 5...

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Coffee, Tea … WE

Roxana Nicolau and the Romanian Institute of Schema Therapy invite you to an interactive workshop focusing on practical aspects of intervention in couple therapy. Workshop: Coffee, Tea … WE – Applications of Schema Therapy in Working with Couples Date: 12 – 13 August 2022 

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